"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

-Conan O'Brien

Fans.

 I hate fans. I hate partisans. I hate zealots. I hate anybody who takes anything too seriously. If you take anything too seriously, relax, breathe. Life will resume after the game, the election, or whatever.

Sports fans are the ones that come to mind first, probably because they are the largest¹ and most obvious. Real fans never miss an opportunity to dig on an opponent, especially a rival.

I am all for rooting for your team of choice, but does the fact that my team wears shiny green and purple tights make them better than your team's red and cerulean uniform? Or is it the city that makes a team great? The Cavaliers seemed to have disproved that in the past. But the Lions... oh those poor Lions.

Perhaps it is that we live pitiful lives, surrounded by mediocrity and impotence, driven to the brink every day; wondering if there is a reason to go on living, leading us to grasp at anything offering us a sliver of hope? This seems likely. This is why I get updates, daily, on Stellan Smothersby’s “average runs batted in the end zone for three points in overtime"² statistics. 

Partisans, or whatever you want to call them, are awful too. Thinking that their political ideology is the one and true way to govern³, they use powerful rhetoric to "prove" their point. Often times they draw conclusions⁴ that happen to fit the facts, ignoring dozens of other instances and possibilities with almost identical facts. There are those who claim you are ignorant when you do not subscribe to their views. Others call you a terrorist when you do not join their camp.

The best part about these folk is how little information they actually present. Take this for example: http://www.glennbeck.com/content/articles/article/198/48455/. The main piece of information I was able to glean from this was that they now sell under roos with leaves on them to cover your privates during an airport body scan. There was nothing else of any actual value.

I’m going to wrap this up before I get upset. (It turns out that the thing that I take WAY too seriously is "people taking things too seriously"). Suffice it to say, when you like anything too much you ruin it for the average Joe. When you go too far with anything, and I mean anything, you look like a child, and people get hurt⁵.

1: In circumference.
2: ARBITEZFTIO; German for "Free bird," the song.
3: Or, not govern, if that is their choice.
4: With the aid of chalkboards
5: See: The Crusades, Radical Islam, probably Regular Islam, The Spanish Inquisition, Communism, Capitalism, Fascism, The Westward Expansion, Manifest Destiny, MySpace, Jersey Boys and much, much more.

Link of interest: http://www.newscholars.com/papers/Killing,%20Christianity,%20and%20Atheism.pdf

Seriously? No, NOT seriously!

I have never, really, been bullied. In school I always managed to fly under the mean kids' radar, or at least use my cutting wit to disarm them before they could pick on me. I was able to "cross the aisle" by being active in sports and nerddom¹. Thus making it known that I was cool to everyone (or no one?).

This all changed recently when I began to be picked on on Facebook. It is true. I make hilarious remarks (see above: cutting wit) that are packed with political intrigue, news of the day, pop culture references, and ironic racism². While my above par comments are, generally, received well by the masses, there are a few who refuse to admit hilarity when it strikes.

People sometimes accuse me of being "Politically Incorrect", "racist" or even "dumb." Dumb! I am none of these things (just ask my mother, I'm great). But to people who take things far too seriously, I often come off this way. People, I am joking. I am almost always joking. I joke at work, I joke at church, I joke at funerals, I joke whilst smooching, I joke in almost every conceivable situation. Rest assured, if something I said angers you, you need to relax³.

Why, you may ask, do I joke so much? As Oscar Wilde once said "Life is too important to be taken seriously." The difference between Hitler's Germany and the USA is that we are allowed to poke fun at our countries leaders. The difference between Stalin's Russia and our beloved country is that we recognize and exploit the fact that mustaches are ridiculous. The difference between the Taliban/Al Qaeda and the Land of the Free is our Sense of Humor! 

When you can laugh at yourself, you can learn from your mistakes.  When a group of people can self-ridicule it keeps them humble. When a country can taunt itself for it's preposterous people it tends to allow more freedom for the masses.

The enemies of freedom are not jealous of our freedom, they are jealous of our sense of humor. When we take ourselves too seriously, the terrorists win. 

1: ie German Club and Ice Hockey, etc.

2: Not at ALL like actual racism. Mostly designed to make fun of those of the racist persuasion.

3: Or: Lighten Up!

Serving.

First of all, thank you Veterans for serving our country! And many happy returns of the day to the Marines worldwide who celebrated their 235th birthday on the 10th. I am often humbled when people thank me for my service. Generally the people that do so fall in to two categories: 

            1: People who really don't know what serving in the military entails, but love/appreciate us anyhow. 

           2: People who served long before I was born in places like Bougainville, Iwo Jima¹ , the Bulge, the Chosin Reservoir² , Hue City, and Grenada, who for some reason deem me worthy of their thanks, when in reality they've seen much more war than anyone of my generation.

Those Marines who have fought battles all around the globe since 1775 are a different breed. The ones that are still alive who fought in the Pacific in WWII, in Korea in the '50s, and in Vietnam in the 60's and 70's are the ones that we owe our freedoms to. Not to take anything away from the ones who came before them, but these warriors are still with us. We can never do anything to thank them enough. My "service" pales in comparison to theirs.

I often do not know how to respond when people thank me for my service. I would like to say that I joined out of a sense of duty to the body politic of the United States. Or, that I felt compelled to defend those who cannot do so themselves. I really just had an inkling that I should serve nine years ago, so I enlisted. I've stayed in because I've met some of my closest friends in the Marines and because I have fun doing it. 

1: (Image) "The raising of that flag on Suribachi means a Marine Corps for the next 500 years."
- James Forrestal, Secretary of the Navy (February 23, 1945)

2: "All right, they're on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind us... they can't get away this time." 
- Marine Lieutenant General Lewis B."Chesty" Puller (when surrounded by 8 enemy divisions)

Purpose.

It occurs to me that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (or any church) is here more to allow us to help ourselves than to help us help others.  Traditionally, Christian churches, including the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, teach that good Christians help each other.  Without a doubt, charity is "the true love of Christ." Sometimes I think that we interpret that to mean that 'if we are charitable we have the true love of Christ.' I would argue that it sometimes needs to be read that 'if we have the true love of Christ, we can then be considered charitable.'

Lately it seems that the discourse of President Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve has come under fire for a myriad of reasons by people who are pro "appreciating the fact that being gay is not completely understood and it is not as easy to deal with it as some might think but at the same time need to acknowledge a religion's right to preach what it believes." It also seems that his remarks are being defended by those who are pro "following the Lord's chosen leaders, in a seemingly hateful manner because they are, I'm sure, perfect and don't have any sins that need to be taken care of *cough, pride, cough cough.*"

Both sides, as in any situation, have good and relevant points.  It angers me, however, the amount of animosity shown by many parties from both sides.

Those in defense of people who are, for whatever reason, homosexual in any fashion argue that the Church is out of touch and it's leaders don't know the world of today. They argue that change is in order, etc.  Anyone who knows anything about religion will tell you that churches are ALWAYS out of touch! That's why they are churches and not night clubs. This takes nothing away from churches, it just means that they don't, or shouldn't, change with coming and going fads.

Those defending President Packer's statements claim, without any seeming personal experience or proof, that homosexuality is absolutely a choice. That those who engage in it are sinners and of the devil. 

I won't get into each side too much, because that would require more reading of angry people. Suffice it to say that they vehemently disagree and aren't afraid to show it.

My argument is this. Lighten up. If you are pro-homosexual rights you need to understand three things:

           1.) Any church is allowed to preach its doctrine. Just as you are allowed to speak your mind.

           2.) If you believe a church to be true, you should follow it. No one is perfect, neither you, nor the Lord's chosen leaders of His church. But if you believe your church is led by divine inspiration, you kind of need to go along with its teachings the best you can.

      note: This may be amazingly hard. I don't want to imply differently.

           3.) If you don't believe a church is true, why do you care what they preach? Ignore them. Also, shut up.

If you are pro-absolutely following the Lord's anointed no matter what:

           1.) Look first at yourself. Are you perfect? If not, shut the hell up.

           2.) Do you know for sure everything that you know about homosexuality is right?

           3.) We are all given the freedom of choice to sin however we want. I use my freedom on a daily basis. Let everyone live their own life.

It occurs to me that if you consider homosexuality a sin, you shouldn't treat it (or the sinner) any worse than other sins (or sinners) of equal or lesser value. We forgive adulterers, we forgive fornicators, we forgive liars, etc. We help them repent, and if they don't want to repent, we leave them alone (at least we should). 

Let us help those that want help, but help ourselves first!

Note: I am personally against homosexuality, for me. There is nothing more terrifying than another man's wiener. But to each their own.

New blog. Screw you guys./ Grow up Woods Cross.

So I found out recently that my pal, Joel, has had a blog for some time now (some time > 1.5 years) and its hilarious. What a jerk, who I thought was my friend... Some people.

Anyhow... in order to exact my revenge and assert my dominance and Alpha Male position in the Triumphant Trio (Lynn, Joel, and myself) I am making this blog, joining Joel in the ranks of irreverent bloggers. Don't get me wrong, my aims are purely for the good of us all, in order to form a more perfect union, to establish justice and ensure domestic tranquility. Well, I think that that is enough of that drivel.

Now on to more important, relevant issues that we, Americans face every day.

What's the deal with people in North Salt Lake complaining about the big explosion that broke windows, broke garage doors, and even knocked a house or two off it's foundation. They act like mixing heat, and petroleum is a simple, safe process you could do in your own backyard. What they don't realize is that if this was a backyard project, their home videos would make some definite material for Bob Saget to monologue on AFHV. Claiming to [not have known] that it was even possible that an explosion could occur is pure childish. Try and act like responsible adults here and at least pretend that you knew this was possible. It's like moving to Utah and complaining about the Mormons, or buying a bobcat and complaining when it eats your toddler's face. This isn't the first time that this has happened, people (Not even the first time at this same refinery). Grow up, be adults, admit you knew the risks, nobody is perfect, we all screw up. Please don't place more blame than should be on shoulders other than your own. This means you...