Fans.

 I hate fans. I hate partisans. I hate zealots. I hate anybody who takes anything too seriously. If you take anything too seriously, relax, breathe. Life will resume after the game, the election, or whatever.

Sports fans are the ones that come to mind first, probably because they are the largest¹ and most obvious. Real fans never miss an opportunity to dig on an opponent, especially a rival.

I am all for rooting for your team of choice, but does the fact that my team wears shiny green and purple tights make them better than your team's red and cerulean uniform? Or is it the city that makes a team great? The Cavaliers seemed to have disproved that in the past. But the Lions... oh those poor Lions.

Perhaps it is that we live pitiful lives, surrounded by mediocrity and impotence, driven to the brink every day; wondering if there is a reason to go on living, leading us to grasp at anything offering us a sliver of hope? This seems likely. This is why I get updates, daily, on Stellan Smothersby’s “average runs batted in the end zone for three points in overtime"² statistics. 

Partisans, or whatever you want to call them, are awful too. Thinking that their political ideology is the one and true way to govern³, they use powerful rhetoric to "prove" their point. Often times they draw conclusions⁴ that happen to fit the facts, ignoring dozens of other instances and possibilities with almost identical facts. There are those who claim you are ignorant when you do not subscribe to their views. Others call you a terrorist when you do not join their camp.

The best part about these folk is how little information they actually present. Take this for example: http://www.glennbeck.com/content/articles/article/198/48455/. The main piece of information I was able to glean from this was that they now sell under roos with leaves on them to cover your privates during an airport body scan. There was nothing else of any actual value.

I’m going to wrap this up before I get upset. (It turns out that the thing that I take WAY too seriously is "people taking things too seriously"). Suffice it to say, when you like anything too much you ruin it for the average Joe. When you go too far with anything, and I mean anything, you look like a child, and people get hurt⁵.

1: In circumference.
2: ARBITEZFTIO; German for "Free bird," the song.
3: Or, not govern, if that is their choice.
4: With the aid of chalkboards
5: See: The Crusades, Radical Islam, probably Regular Islam, The Spanish Inquisition, Communism, Capitalism, Fascism, The Westward Expansion, Manifest Destiny, MySpace, Jersey Boys and much, much more.

Link of interest: http://www.newscholars.com/papers/Killing,%20Christianity,%20and%20Atheism.pdf